Dear Shithead –
I hope you’re happy. That iPhone you ripped out of my hands on the streets of downtown Barcelona was full of photographs that meant a lot to me.
Yes, I realize you couldn’t care less about that. I suspect you don’t care about anything but yourself. Let’s face it, you’re a miserable excuse for a human being. In short, you’re a dick.
Fortunately, I have my photos automatically synced to iCloud. So most of the 25,000+ images I had on the phone are saved. Quite sadly, what didn’t get uploaded were the hundred or so images recently shot of the interior of the Sagrada Familia — arguably one of the most breathtaking building interiors on the planet.
You may have stolen my iPhone, and caused me to lose some incredible images, and violated me, but one thing no one can steal is my memories.
Thanks to the marvels of technology, the iPhone XS Max you grabbed was rendered useless within minutes. What you’re now holding is in effect a paperweight that cost me almost $1,250.
I assume you’ll part it out. Or scam some unsuspecting and clueless person into buying what they think is a functional phone.
I’m not going to let you ruin my vacation. Oddly enough, maybe I should thank you. I’m kind of looking forward to spending the next three days completely untethered. You see, I can admit that I have a problem–a screen time problem. I’ve spent way too much time over the past few years with my face buried in my phone, oblivious to my surroundings.
I suspect that’s exactly why you marked me for your little stunt.
So rather than bemoan the loss of my phone, I’m going to celebrate my freedom and use this little situation to help me get past what is, if you really think about it, an addiction.
The phone was insured, and there is already a replacement on its way. My new phone will be waiting on me when I get home.
As for the Sagrada Familia images, well, technically they are irreplaceable. But you know what? The Sagrada isn’t going anywhere. Heck, it’s not even finished construction.
So I’ll be coming back to Barcelona sometime after 2026, when it’s expected to be completed. And I’ll take more photos, and eat more tapas, and enjoy your lovely city again.
And I sincerely hope that by then, your ass will be doing time in a Spanish prison. Karma’s a bitch, dude, and it’s going to catch up with your miserable excuse of a life sooner or later.
Here’s a tip pal: grow the fuck up and get a real job before it’s too late.
To the fine people of Barcelona — I love your city. Amazing people, culture, history, food. It’s wonderful. I’m not letting this incident spoil my trip, or my opinions. We’ll be back!
What to do if your iPhone is stolen:
First and most importantly, make SURE you have a passcode enabled, before you ever venture outside with a phone. I know too many people who keep their phone unlocked. That’s moronic.
Same for enabling “Find My iPhone.” That will allow you to put the phone into “lost mode”. The best thing about this feature (other than bricking your phone), is you get to create a message that will be displayed on the phone. I chose this message:
This phone was stolen by some worthless asshole.
Este teléfono fue robado por un imbécil sin valor (Spanish)
Aquest telèfon va ser robat per un gilip sense valor (Catalan)
Consider insuring your phone. I had a $200 deductible, but that sure beats $1250 for a new one… We used this company. Super-simple claim, and a replacement has been overnighted to my home address.
IMPORTANT UPDATE: about 37 hours post-heist, I got an alert from Find My iPhone that the phone was located. All I had to do was click a link to get the location. It’s a phishing (scam) attempt to get my Apple ID password so the thieves can unlock the phone.
Pro tip fellas: next time, try spelling “Barcelona” correctly and don’t use a top level domain from Gabon, central Africa — ’cause Apple certainly wouldn’t use a TLD like that. And they know how to spell.
That said, I bet a whole lot of folks would have popped their password right into their web page. It looked exactly like Apple’s page. But that URL…
No legit company is ever going to use a URL like:
Had I entered my Apple ID password into that site, these yahoos could have opened my phone, accessed all the private info on it, then sold it off for a tidy profit.
Be vigilant folks.
Here’s a couple of images of the Sagrada Familia, saved through posting on Facebook. It’s… stunning.