And yes, I realize the irony in writing about not feeling like writing.
I’m hoping it helps get me out of the funk.
Surely, surely this too shall pass. Usually I have the opposite problem — if I can’t write then it feels as if my head will explode. It feels like something is missing. Empty. I mean my brain is wired to write.
Or at least it has been.
It’s not like I’m feeling, “Screw it, I’m never writing again!” Or, “I hate writing.”
I just don’t care if I write.
And that’s weird.
It’s not like I’m depressed. On the contrary, life is good. Business good. Kids good.
It’s not writer’s block. I have plenty to say.
But when I sit at the keyboard, I just don’t feel like writing. And that’s disturbing, simply because I’ve never felt this way so I don’t understand it.
That of course starts the downward spiral of thinking…
Part of me is thinking, “What if I’m done with it?” But then I think I can’t be done with it because writing is such a big part of my life.
What. If. I’m. Done.
Can that happen? Can the wiring in the brain just switch off like that? One day you have to write and the next day you couldn’t care less whether you do or not?
That seems… odd. I’m a week shy of being 51 years old and I’ve needed to write for as long as I can remember.
It’s hard to believe that can just evaporate practically overnight.
Maybe I need a vacation. A real vacation. One where I don’t worry about the business, or writing, or anything. Just a long sit on a beach doing nothing but watching the waves roll in. A place where I don’t think about anything.
Or perhaps just a “vacation” from writing. Maybe I should just say “Fuck it” and not worry about it. That I’ll write again when I feel like writing.
And if that day never comes, oh well.
It’s not like the world would come crashing down around me. Life would go on. I could crank out enough mindless content on the blog to keep the search engines happy and the business prospects coming in. That’s not “writing” but apparently that doesn’t really matter.
At least for the moment.
Hopefully just for the moment…
Photo Credit: Toni Birrer on Flickr. CC Licensed.