In a bit of a funk…

Lately I haven’t felt like writing. This is the first time this has happened in…. oh…. ever. Seriously, I don’t recall ever not needing / wanting to write.

And yes, I realize the irony in writing about not feeling like writing.

I’m hoping it helps get me out of the funk.

Who knows.

Surely, surely this too shall pass. Usually I have the opposite problem — if I can’t write then it feels as if my head will explode. It feels like something is missing. Empty. I mean my brain is wired to write.

Or at least it has been.

It’s not like I’m feeling, “Screw it, I’m never writing again!” Or, “I hate writing.”

I just don’t care if I write.

And that’s weird.

It’s not like I’m depressed. On the contrary, life is good. Business good. Kids good.

It’s not writer’s block. I have plenty to say.

But when I sit at the keyboard, I just don’t feel like writing. And that’s disturbing, simply because I’ve never felt this way so I don’t understand it.

That of course starts the downward spiral of thinking…

Part of me is thinking, “What if I’m done with it?” But then I think I can’t be done with it because writing is such a big part of my life.

What. If. I’m. Done.

Can that happen? Can the wiring in the brain just switch off like that? One day you have to write and the next day you couldn’t care less whether you do or not?

That seems… odd. I’m a week shy of being 51 years old and I’ve needed to write for as long as I can remember.

It’s hard to believe that can just evaporate practically overnight.

Maybe I need a vacation. A real vacation. One where I don’t worry about the business, or writing, or anything. Just a long sit on a beach doing nothing but watching the waves roll in. A place where I don’t think about anything.

Or perhaps just a “vacation” from writing. Maybe I should just say “Fuck it” and not worry about it. That I’ll write again when I feel like writing.

And if that day never comes, oh well.

It’s not like the world would come crashing down around me. Life would go on. I could crank out enough mindless content on the blog to keep the search engines happy and the business prospects coming in. That’s not “writing” but apparently that doesn’t really matter.

At least for the moment.

Hopefully just for the moment…

 

Photo Credit: Toni Birrer on Flickr. CC Licensed.

 

 

Comments

    • Jay Thompson says

      I’m pretty sure that pigeon shit all over him, so no, I’m not feeling like teh guy in the photo. :) Thanks Elaine!

  1. says

    I understand completely. I feel like commenting but don’t know what to say… I think you need to invite your friends to suggest another challenging topic for you. Another Cheeseburger Challenge perhaps? Hmmm, how about paperclips? 500 words on the greatest invention of 1867 (see, I’m getting you started, you don’t need to look up the first patent date). Now there’s a worthy challenge!

    • Jay Thompson says

      Never really been into video much Monika. I have a face for writing. ;) For me it was always much faster to write than shoot video, edit it, upload it, blah blah. But, given my current state, it’s not a bad idea. Thanks!! My problem would be keeping them short. I don’t do that very well when writing, and no one wants to watch a 15 minute video of me pontificating…

  2. says

    Pick up The War of Art by Stephen Pressfield. It’s written for moments like this. Quick read. VERY good read. You’ll read it about 20 times by the time you retire. Trust me.

    • Jay Thompson says

      I’ve read Sun Tzu’s version. Oh wait. That’s The Art of War. I’ll give The War of Art a shot. Thanks Matt!

  3. says

    I’ve been having the same moments lately myself – not about writing though, but about things that I used to love to do on daily basis. Now I feel like I have to “make myself” do it… and not like I have no creative ideas, but rather I don’t feel like implementing them.

    I feel like I need to be motivated and inspired… I thought about a vacation as well, but that doesn’t feel like the answer to my issue. I want to go to the Grand Canyon and experience the holiness – get inspired…

    Last week I was sick and was going through some old photos… I found a photo of myself when I was 24, and the look that I had in my eyes kind of shook me… it’s a piercing and at the same exciting look – it says: “Hey, World! Here I am, and I’m after you!” Somehow I lost it..surrendered to routine and things we can’t control (or can we?). I want that look back.

  4. says

    Jay I feel you. With my radio show I felt that something I had loved to do had turned into a chore. Something that I no longer jumped out of bed Saturday morning to run to my soapbox. I cured it temporarily by going off topic and talking about other things, politics, family, anything I wanted. But still I felt like I was growing bored. So I took a leave, I just up and quit doing the show, and I feel liberated. I plan on getting back to it, I really do. Speaking on the radio is something I absolutely love, but not feeling the pressure has been amazing. While I know it is hard to shut down a blog as big as yours, maybe you can get some guest writers (use your amazing agents) for a month or two. With no pressure, I am sure in no time you will be eager to get back at the keyboard. Just my two cents… but I am right there with you.

  5. says

    Take a break. Walk away from all this online stuff for a while, unplug your gadgets and take a walk on the beach or something. Take an extended hiatus if you can – you’ll come back feeling refreshed and eager to write once more! And even if you don’t, at least you’re not stuck doing something you’re sick of…

  6. says

    I couldn’t think of anything to write, so now I annoy people with photography. :) Actually, my problem is clearing out the headspace/time to write.

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